Wednesday, March 7, 2012

It's been awhile...

Have a feeling looking back I say that a lot. Taking the time to empty out the brain pan and let it settle is something I should do more often here yet always find myself running around and making excuses not to. I will try to work on it. I realize Yoda says "Do or do not. There is no "try".", but try is what I'm currently willing to put up to the table in hopes that life get back to a dull roar at some point.

Of course I've never minded the noise, but on occasion it would be nice to just have some quiet moments of reflection *smiles* Points for effort, at least.

State of life, the universe, and everything: It still goes. Hmmm... perhaps that's too short. A bit of elaboration is needed. It still goes... well? In general, that's true. I'm still sad about drama from last June that has kept one of my oldest friends from speaking to me and splintered my group of friends; truly hope and pray that resolves itself. Not going to say "sooner than later", though that is my hope. I just really do hope that it resolves itself at some point; any point even if it's later would be better than not at all.  Health stuffs.... *sighs* Holding pattern. Which I suppose with this flavor of condition is to be expected.  Meds haven't changed since the last time I posted. Prednisone is down to 3mg/day; mininum I can take without constant pain and risk of the pericarditis flaring up. Could be worse, so I'll take it gladly. Infusion coming up in a few weeks. Minimum amount of time in between is still 4 months and it's sadly just not enough.  Next meet-up with Dr P and we'll see what other options we've got out there.  As the infusion starts to wear off and my body starts to boost my immune system again, it starts to rebel against me.

B brought it to my attention the other day something I hadn't even thought about: everything I do that helps "boost" my immune system is wearing off all the things I'm taking to keep it lowered that much faster.  Exercise. Eating/drinking things that are healthier to help boost it.  Sex. Every one of those things and I'm sure more are combating the meds/infusion I take that are trying to intentionally trash my immune system to stop attacking me.  When he brought this up I just had this clear vision of an incredibly vicious cycle.  The more I do to try and better take care of myself the more things I have to take to counter their effects. I just boggled about that for a bit. Still do. It makes me question why I bother trying to improve on all these things healthy folks improve on if it's just going to hurt me more in the end. Color me confused and feeling more than a little lost.  I know I'll "feel" better on the short terms (few days) eating better and getting my exercise on with the goal of losing weight to take pressure off my joints and muscles, but all that work is boosting my immune system which is just going to attack me harder the better it is leading to more pain to where I can't do things like exercise until I can get the pain under control again.

Yup.  *boggles* is the word for it.  Something else I guess I'll bring up with Dr P here in a few weeks.

On happy front news, B and I have been officially together 8 months as of Feb 27th. Not long I suppose in the grand scheme of things, but the time together so far has been awesome. I've found so much support in him on all fronts that I just didn't know it was possible to put that much incredible person into one body. He keeps me honest on taking care of myself as much as I can (even if I'm grumpy about it) and helps take care of me during the moments when I find I can't. I really am truly blessed.  Happy isn't a strong enough word. Truly hope and pray this trend continues :-)

I find myself in any spare time I have rummaging around through fb and the interwebs finding bits of happiness and wisdom to share with the world. I guess I try to be a conduit for which others might find something to make them smile, perhaps help them gain wisdom or insight or on the lucky rare occasion, brings inspiration. My fb world is incredibly random, but I love sharing the bits of the world I find with others hoping that even just once they'll find something positive they have take away from it and go share with their own world. Perhaps I'm being a little too "Zen" about it, but I truly do believe we are made up of everyone we've ever had any contact with; physically, socially, digitally, etc.  I think this is what makes us unique.  We really are snowflakes *grins*  And with this compilation of our "touches" of others throughout our lives and all over the world, we are stronger and wiser and able to take on anything life brings us and can help others do the same.  I sometimes imagine a painting of myself compiled of every person I've ever had contact with and wonder just how "colorful" I would be or what shape I would take on *smiles*

And no, I haven't been smoking any of the "good" stuff. Being hold sick today with what seems to be a sinus infections has finally given me one of those rare "dull roar" in the chaos moments so thought I would bring folks up to speed.

Life isn't always as shiny as I would like it to be, but it's still pretty darn shiny and I'm happy. Currently, can't ask for more than that.  And if I can ever get back to better than breaking even on the shiny I look forward to sharing the excess with others :-) Now back to my regularly scheduled strawberry halls chewing and funk  :-D


1 comment:

  1. Keep sharing your random bits of happiness and wisdom; you never know when it could make all the difference to someone! I had this happen to me recently (a FB friend's random bit of wisdom giving me a boost/kick in the pants that I desperately needed), so it does happen.

    As for the rest - I hope and pray your health issues improve. As for the falling out with an old friend, I hope for clarity for both of you, that with time the purpose of the whole thing will be made clear. I hope that if a reconciliation is what's right for you guys, that'll happen soon, and that if you're meant to go your separate ways, you'll find peace with regards to it.