"When someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

Visited the ER today.  Woke up this morning nauseous and the minor pain/discomfort that has been building since the biopsy to the left of the drilled in hole had moved further around my left side and was making it's way towards the gut.  Got up and went in to work long enough to tell bossman I was leaving; God bless him for being understanding.  Drove back home and managed to hold in last nights dinner; barely.  Went back to bed.  Have been avoiding the tramadol due to the nightmares I can't wake myself up from.  Slept till 12:30ish (aside from a phone call from J around 10:30 making sure I was still functioning as I'd called and asked him around 7:30 if he'd check in on me).  12:30 and still in a bit of pain and lots of discomfort.  Called nephrology nurse, V, and I left her vm.  About 10 minutes later she calls back and goes over symptoms and of course, recommends getting checked out by the ER.  Got there sometime after 1 but still within the 1-something hour.  Checked out around 5:45.  A played chauffeur (THANK YOU) taking me to/from ER and keeping me company and laughing while I was there.  The laughing didn't help with the pain, but I totally appreciated the effort.  Tests run and CT scans performed.  Blood on tap was kind of neat to watch as they took it out.  First test back was showing I wasn't pregnant.  Well no ****.  Have to have sex for that ;-)  Told them I wasn't and they ran it anyways; guess everyone has to get their buck.  High white blood cell count; no kidding.  High potassium; weird, but not earth shattering.  Prescribed goop to drink for that to bring it back down to normal level; currently waiting for it to kick in and do its thing.  Peed in the cup and they found oober trace amounts of blood and mentioned the word 'hematoma' (sp?).  Those things combined are apparently what's causing the discomfort/pain.  Still doesn't explain why it's getting worse, not better.  But they said to take pain meds and if it's not better by Fri to follow-up with nephrology.  Also told me to call and follow-up tomorrow with nephrology anyways.  Since I'll already be there for the rheuamatology appt where they will tell me that the biopsy didn't give us a dang bit of useful information, figure I'll just stop by Dr M's office while I'm in the neighborhood.

*deep breath*


Can't afford to keep doing this but I don't have a choice.  I wouldn't have gone to the ER if I hadn't believed something was actually not right; hate ER's and the docs working there normally don't give a frak.  Today's ER doc I give kudos too.  His bedside manner was a bit lacking, but after wandering off after giving results he actually came back twice while I was waiting for discharge paperwork to ask me a couple of questions about my past history and some other stuff and actually called up my nephrologist.  So Kudo's Mr ER doc for seeming to actually give a crud; you're many cuts above all but one who has come before you in my last 11 years of visits between Houston and Austin.


Maybe we'll know something more tomorrow.  Maybe we won't.  Till then I just need to stay awake as long as possible to keep the nightmares at bay as there's no one here now to wake me from them and won't be for some time.


...

Things will be better tomorrow.  I give them no choice.

Who says you can't post from your pjs...

Good evening folks!  Thought I would drop a line for some late night post-op posting purposes.  *yawns*  I hath been poked!  There at 7, called back around 7:15ish.  IV'd and prepped shortly there after and then waiting.  Sure about right about 9 I was taken back and after some questions and CT scan pictures and some sticky pads on my back of awesome, radiologist walks in and we're poked and being wheeled back out to the room in less than 5 minutes.  Crazy *** ****.  Apparently this guy's the best of the best, sir!  With honors!  I'll totally believe it.  Local anesthesia  only so I was coherent through it though the good pain stuff they did give me for the actual procedure was pretty stout.  Once back in the room I was told I'd be there another 3 hours.  Had some applejuice and J went and picked us up some breakfast from Mickey D's since the procedure was so short it ended up still before 10:30 so breakfast could still be snagged.  Two bacon egg and cheese biscuits down (yeah, I know, not on my diet.  but they were OOBER good) and the juice and first trip to the bathroom accomplished.  Was juuuuuust starting to feel the soreness in my back at this point.  Bathroom check and no blood.  Odd since I was told by nurses and docs and folks who have had the procedure to expect it, but nope.  Notta.  And still notta I'm pleased to report; guess I have kidney of awesome?  Or the goop the guy put in to seal it up after taking the chunk out for the biopsy is just that stout and he's that good  *shrugs*  Either way. no blood to me is a good thing.  Especially after how much I gushed out when they put the IV in.  Told the nurse lady she was using "ole faithful" and she didn't believe me.  Now she knows, and knowing's half the battle *smiles*  Anyways, bathroom trip over and some more conversation with J and I was starting to feel the terrible need for a nap.  The days this week leading up to the biopsy have found me with less and less sleep at night.  With the quiet hum-o-machines and almost able to ignore the bloodpressure cuff checking me every 20 minutes, decided to use the last couple hours for nap time.  J plugged into the wireless at the hospital with his computer and stayed occupied and I tried to find a comfy position for nappage.  Which I would like to report is impossible on those mini-gurney beds.  Cold too.  Tried back at first but no real success; just can't sleep on anything but my side.  Thankfully they only mucked up one kidney and it was on the left.  Which is the side i inevitably end up on by the end of any sleep time, but I always start on the right so at least I still had a free non-painfilled side to use.  Curled up, I think I might have gotten an hour in before the nurse came back and said I'd get to leave soon.  Upon waking.... duuuuuude.  I apologized to J right off the bat.  I was a cranky girl.  Hadn't snapped at him yet, but knew it was in there.  Was a whole new flavor of pain.  The best way I've been able to describe it so far is what it would probably feel like to be hit by one of the Ford F250 super duties with the big black metal grill on the front right into your lower back.  It didn't just hurt where they'd stuck in the super long needle.  No.  The whole lower part of my back felt like I needed a really long stretch but I knew that probably wasn't the best idea.  With permission to change back into mundane clothes and discharge papers signed, J drove the car around and nurse lady wheeled me out and got me situated for the ride home.  Lots of txt's and a couple phone calls made and thankfully J & M's house not being far, we pull into the drive.  Did... not.. want.. to... move.  Cranky factor was oober high.  Hospital provided no pain meds and my tummy was feeling a bit unfriendly so once hobbled into the house and switched into pjs I skipped lunch entirely and went straight for nap.  With the truck back hit effect, no position was comfortable but out of the different shapes I could put myself in, side seemed to be the least awful.  Think I got in a couple hours and got up around 4:30.  Hungry.  And still having truck to lower back pain.  Had some of L's chicken soup of awesome healing +10 which did wonders for tummy but it still proved angry from pain.  Dug into stash-o-meds I'd broght with me which included a straight up pain killer (tramadol) that I'd used before for the tendonitis stuff and popped one of those.  They can make me nauseous, but not nearly to the degree that vicodin or hydrocodone would have.  Took almost two hours to kick in, but currently I only hurt when I move which thankfully has only been for a few bathroom visits and readjusting on the couch while watching movies and visiting with my hosts J & M and A when he came over to visit for a bit.  Saw two new movies tonight; good times.  Has been nice having the company and support.  I really am blessed.

Anyways, that yet again I believe brings us up to date.  Think I'm going to attempt my 3 flights of stairs tomorrow night so I can be back in the bed of awesome +2 kitties of snuggling awesomeness.  Pain is yucky, but not nearly what I was expecting.  If I take the stairs slow and  then just don't go anywhere once I'm up there I should be fine.  Least that's what I keep telling myself ;-)

Word is by next Wed-ish the radiologists should have the results of the biopsy for the spiffy nephrologist Dr M.  Then we'll know.  Wasn't going to hold my breath before but think I will a little now.  I want to know what this is and I want to know what the future has in store for me pain and hopefully not-pain wise and whether or not there's a chance of me every being able to have healthy munchkins.  Have this stupid fear that if I can't produce a family no one's going to want me.  Same goes for feeling like I'm constantly broken thanks to this whatever the heck it is.  Who wants to date/be with someone long term whose in a constant state of broken?  Just seems logical that they wouldn't.  Then again, I tend to over think these things I'm told so perhaps my winning personality will win out over my walking pain and pharmacy factor ;-)

Here's hoping.  *takes a drink of cherry coke*

When I know somethin' ya'll will know somethin'.  Thanks for the prayers and well wishes and moral support in general.  None of you will ever know just how much it means to know that someone cares.

*huggles*

Think we'll see if I can get some more of that sleep stuffs in.  Night night reader world.

*leaves trail of double-stuffed oreo cookie "bread crumbs" leading to the next stage of the path*