Hey Mr. Postman...

Got my approval letter in the mail today for my intermittent leave.  Of course already knew it was approved, but now I have it in writing.  Doc and Aetna were very generous.  It appears to cover me being out up to 4 times per week and potentially up to 3 days in a row if needed.  ... COOL!  Not like I'm going to use it cause I won't get paid if I do, but good to know it's there should something come up.  I believe if the math's right I'll have two day's of Vacation left after my second infusion on the 16th and 3 days of PBA.  Maybe a half hour or a few hours and change over on each of those but it would all be little amounts that would go to Dr's appt's.  All of it but one vacation day I'm dedicating to Dr stuff.  Have to.  The one day is for C's 30th b-day in SE TX.  Not missin' that.  The rest, God willing, will cover the bits of appts my schedule futzing can't cover for the next 6 months till be start this process over again.  If I can keep my job at D till the next FY starts up in Feb, I'll be getting my 3rd week of vacation for tenure and that will SO help with all this medical stuff.  SO HELP.  Not looking to leave the company so hopefully they hang on to me.  Do have a possible lead on a better paying job within, though, so we'll see where that goes in the next 6 months.  Would so like to have the spare change to pay off the debt and go back to school.  *crosses fingers*

Anyways, cool news on the how much time I'm covered for should the world come to an end.  Really think I can make the time off I have left stretch till the end of the year if I wiggle my nose and fingers at it enough so I can keep having full paychecks.  But if not, the CYA is there.  Thanks to my old boss B and current boss J for kicking my *** and getting me to finally get the paperwork done for this that oh... I should have done 3 years ago when the pericarditis had me out all the time *takes a drink of cherry coke zero*

Now to find some grub and contemplate what the doc will tell me Fri about gettin' off the prednisone.  Hope everyone has a great rest of week!!!

*HUGS*

Look Arthur! A secret message from my teeth!

Intermittent leave approved.  *whew*  Of course it took calling them and getting hung up on in a transfer and calling back and then getting the case worker lady who didn't sound like she really wanted to talk to me on the phone to get it done... but...... it's approved.  Seems she'd put me on a shelf since two Fri's ago when the doc's office sent in my paperwork and left out the last 6 months worth of appt history.  She saw other stuff came in but apparently forgot that the original rest of the paperwork was already in.  ...  *deep breathe*  Anyways, leave approved.  Though I've using vacation to cover the infusion Fri and on the 16th, FMLA will hopefully make sure the bum end is covered if HR comes back getting angry at my having used up all my time half way through the year.  Nice to know it's there.  Huge relief.

Found out I can take my computer in Fri so while I'm getting pumped full of the awesome + benadryl that will make me looking and/or knock me out, will keep the world posted on how it's going.  I've had IV's before, but 6 1/2 hours seems like a long time to be plugged in and having good drugs run through your system.  Do need to find someone willing to bring me lunch Fri.  Guess I'll work on that tomorrow.  Decided I'm not going to bother inviting anyone along for the adventure only cause I'm pretty sure I'll lose consciousness not long after the benadryl comes along.  No point in someone waiting their day watching me sleep.

Hooray for a good news days.  They said it's good till 12/22ish.  Should get a thing in the mail 3 weeks prior to that for a renewal and as long as I send it in, everything should keep on covering me for another 6 months.  Gotta keep an eye on the mail.

Figure next post will likely either be me all nervous goose-like tomorrow night or I'll hold out till I'm plugged in 7am Fri morning.  Hope you folks have a great rest of week and weekend :-)

"We've sent them a message and they'll get back to you": Now where have I heard that before...

Oh wait.. let me think.  Last Friday :-)  Alas, still no word from Aetna.  The automated system still tells me pending and that they're still needing some kind of authorization form which I know is bs cause they've had all the paperwork they needed since last Tues; called and confirmed that Wed AND Fri when I called to check on the status.  A message was supposedly sent to the case manager then and I was to receive a call.  No call yesterday got me to call and find out their system was hosey.  Tonight I called too late and got the after hours kid who said he would send a note and I would get a phone call.  Just going to have to remember to call in the morning and check on the holdup and not let them let me off the phone till a determination is made.  It's been a week and I was told that they should have a decision no later than last Fri. Yeah... I know... *takes a drink*  But now we're a week after all the paperwork's been turned in and it's still pending and my first infusion is on the horizon; three days away now.  Eesh.  Bossman's still being oober awesome about the whole thing.  I still feel like a goob for asking for Fri off.  It really just hadn't occurred to me that this was the Fri before a holiday :-(  But then again, the two backups I now have for the lab should both be there so SOMEONE should be able to keep an eye on things.  I hope.  Maybe.  Whatever may get fraked up I'll put back together Mon ;-)

*tick tock tick tock*

Going back to calling it an early night.  Today hoovered.  My fault entirely.  Just gotta get back to the same ole grind tomorrow.

The ants go marching one by one....

Got the call from the infusion nurse this morning, A.  Even though Aetna hasn't clicked the button yet (called and their system was down 3/4 of the day and still slower than crud around 2:30 so they couldn't do anything), figured since I'm having to use what time off I have left anyways to make sure I still have full paychecks I would go ahead and let her sign me up.  So here's the schedule: first infusion will take 6 1/2 hours (not 5 as I was previously told) on July 2nd.  Second will be July 16th and take about 4 1/2 hours.

Told to be there at 7am for the first and 8:30am for the second and still pretty much expect to take the day off for both.  Which hoovers much.  But at least I'll still have full paychecks.  This will leave me one vacation day left for C's birthday in Aug.  Must hold on to that last day.

Also informed to eat breakfast before I show or bring it with me as once I'm there I can't move about save to go to the restroom. This means I need to bring lunch with me as well or find someone to bring me grub and keep me company for the lunch hour cause again, can't leave.  I can take medications as normal that day so no change in the regime schedule.  Was informed that they'll be giving me what I think they said was an antibiotic to try and cut down on the chance of a reaction to the infusion as well as benadryl which also is supposed to help cut down on the chance of negative allergic reaction.  Benadryl normally knocks me smooth out the few times I've taken it so not going to bother at this point asking anyone to come with me.  If they've giving be a crazy benadryl dose I'll sleep through the whole damn process and will bring a book with me just in case I do somehow manage to remain conscious.  Only thing I worry about is being awake enough to drive home after cause dude... benadryl really does knock me on my bum.  Worse case I can call J to drive me home and then maybe have him and A coordinate getting my car back to the apt.  *yawns*  Makes me sleepy just thinking about it.

Going to call Aetna again tomorrow to check on status of claim.  Got a call from Dr S's office in allergy saying for me to try taking regular unleaded Claritin to take the place of the Zyrtek-D.  Reminded nice nurse that only things with the decongestant seem to help but that I would give it a try.  Going to go ahead and finish taking what Zyrtek-D I have left, though, at this point cause it's already bought and paid for.  And after my going a little nutty on the groceries at SAMs earlier today, need to stretch every frakin' dime.

It's all going to work out.  It has to.  I give it no choice.

Some random early morning bits-o-info

Got a call today (well, yesterday at this point) from Dr N's nurse who told me that the bloodwork came back and though the B-12 is showing within the normal range, apparently it's juuuuuuust barely in normal and the barely is on the low side.  Doc prescribed having me take 1mg of B-12 once a day.  Guess we'll see where this gets me.  He believes it should help.  I don't even know what a B-12 does.  Think I'll put that on the list of things to look up later today.  Nurse also told me that Dr N talked with Dr S in allergy who as expected, wants me to pay $30 to come in and talk about alt options for helping with allergies that doesn't involve the zyrtek-d.  Politely told the nurse I'd call Dr S's nurse and tell them I can't afford to come in to talk and would like to see what the options are over the phone or I'll just keep on trucking with the zyrtek-d.  Adding them to the list of folks to call today.

Still no word back from Aetna.  No call by lunch and I'll give them a buzz and see if I can get the 411.  OH!!  Heard back about the chest x-ray.  No alien much to my disappointment, but as it's clear insurance has cleared me for the Rituxan.  Only thing I'll have to pay out is another $30/visit as if I was seeing the specialist.  Could be muuuuuuuuuch worse.  Supposed to get a call from the infusion nurse to set up my first round; going to delay setting a date till I know I'll have the intermittent leave to cover my appts/tests/whatever for the rest of the year.  If it gets rejected, all this gets delayed will Jan when time resets.  Still pretty stressy about having TONS of time off beginning of May before my cruise and now only having a few days total between PBA and vacation :-(

Green Sorsha needs full paychecks badly!

Good news is a wonderful lady, K, helped me with my resume today and I might be putting in for a project team type job if my luck holds in the next couple of weeks.  Even broke it to bossman of awesome today that there was a chance of my looking elsewhere and though he was bummed at the prospect of losing me, he was also super excited about my getting to move on to greater things and even offered to go through some mock interviewing with.  In case I haven't mentioned how awesome my boss in recently, he's pretty darn spiffy and goodness am I lucky to have him.

Though my time may be short and it may be the one thing that kept me from getting the Exceptional rating the last two years on my reviews, hopefully new future bossfolk will see past that.  Yes, the health gods aren't currently with me.  However, they should be soon.  HOPING that after the follow-up appt after the second infusion of this first round of Rituxan follow-up appts with Dr P should be MONTHS in between; I'm hoping one more in the fall and then another when we hit the 6 months in Jan.  Means the only other appts left are the crud neurology wants me to get done and a follow-up appt with them.  Then.......... *knocks on self* may it will be quiet.

Here's hoping.  Needing to be oober shiny come Aug/Sept for more than a few reasons/people.

*checks time*  Yup.  Just about 2am.  Alarm goes off at 6.  May be Fri, but gots stuffs to do.  Poor lab is in a state of chaos that's likely going to take the whole frakin' day to pull out of.  Once done, though, should be shiny.  At least till I head out for more software testing or if I'm lucky, to help head up some of it with the other project team folks.  *crosses fingers*  Even if there's a pay bump, that part's really not that important to me.  Will be nice to get into a role where I really feel I can contribute.  Any extra pay is just icing that lets me pay down the leftover R debt faster and get back to getting back to college.  Points.. for... effort....

*hugs*

Sleep well folks.  Hope everyone has a great Friday and weekend!!!

Doc may have a point...

Got the chest x-ray done; now we wait for Aetna to make their determination on the intermittent leave stuff and insurance to say they'll cover the treatment..

Met with neurologist, Dr N.  Apparently I've seen him before back in 2005; knew he looked familiar.  Something about tingly hands/feet.  Beyond that the reason for my visit I can't remember.  Guess nothing ever came of it as all I remember is this guys face.  Anyways, today's visit was sadly *points back to previous sentences* I'm having a hard time remembering things.  At first it was vocabulary that was going; would have to give you the definition of the word I was trying to say and you would have to tell me the word and then we could get on with the conversation.  Then it was details.  Could remember having a great time doing something and could tell you what the something was, but couldn't give a lot of details of what exactly we did.  In the last few months sometimes I can't recall on a Mon when asked what I did over the weekend what I did.  I actually have to stop and think hard about it and sometimes just simply can't recall the details so I just say I had a good/bad/whatever weekend.  Most recent occurrence that had me finally bring it up with Dr P was when I was driving in for my appt last week or the week before and could not remember which entrance of the hospital to go in to to get to his office.  I've been going to see him for nearly a year and a half now and averaged out have probably seen him every couple weeks if you do the math.  And I couldn't remember where his office was.  I remembered the third floor part.  But that was it.  I spent the whole drive there from work straining to remember which entrance to go in; I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right.  When I pulled into the hospital parking lot I still didn't know.  My best guess was the entrance on the right because I remembered I had to turn a certain direction to face the elevators to get to his office on the third floor.  I parked and went in and the elevators were opening so I didn't have a chance to check the sign to see if I'd guessed right; even getting on the elevators I wasn't 100% certain I was in the right place.  Third floor doors opened up and I was looking at podiatry/x-rays and there to the left was the rheumatology office; I had guessed correctly.  But it had been a guess.


I may not be the sharpest cookie in the package, but details have always been my specialty.  Losing the ability to retain them over the last 4-5 years has been extremely painful not only to me but to my friends who have to retell glory day stories from games we play because I either can't remember exactly what happened or sometimes can't remember playing in the games at all.  Bonus is no story gets old, but that's hardly any consolation.  I want to be able to remember the events of games I play in with my friends and things we do together.  I want to be able to stay focused on my projects at work and take charge of future stuffs and prove that I can handle it like I used to.  I want to be able to hear Dr N tell me he wants to see me in X-X number of weeks and him shut the door and remember two seconds later how long he said; today I couldn't. :-(

Dr N mentioned a few things.  Of course, inevitably, he brought up depression.  I honestly remember (yeah, I know, funny) this all starting right around the time I started at Dell in '06, but something brought me to Dr N in '05.  I was pretty happy in '05 if memory serves so not sure where the mark on the record of possible depression comes from.  Sucks that as of today it's been flagged again and I have no say in the matter.  Yeah, in the last 4 years things went from amazingly awesome to incredibly craptastic, but this memory thing started, at least I believe, while the amazingly awesome was going on.  Then again, if it was earlier, then it might have been leftovers from the nuttiness of the ex before I met R in Aug '06.  Sadly all I can do is speculate.  Suffice to say, other than finances and my inability to not intentionally try to ruin things that are awesome to say myself future pain, life's pretty peachy.  Budget shows finances will get better over time and there's the potential for awesome happiness if I can manage to not frak it up before it even gets the chance to be incredibly awesome.  I have a great job and on the down low may have a lead on another that's better suited to the kind of work I like doing and still within the same company so even though the thought of moving is scary, it would be a great career move if I could manage it.  Would also help on the finances and getting to go back to school thing.  So pretty much things are looking up.  I'd say if anything, the memory stuff should be getting better, not worse.

Thinking outside the morbid black box of possible depression, doc also mentioned that the decongestant taken over a long period of time in my zyrtek-D might also lead to memory issues (!!!) and recommended I stop taking it long term and get back together with my allergist to see if we could find me something else to help breathe at night while I'm curled up with my kitties of awesome; wonder if they'll call me or if I'm supposed to follow-up with them.  Anywho, another one he mentioned was a possible B12 deficiency.  Apparently back in '05 when I visited my B12 something or other was a little futzy but I'm guessing nothing he was terribly concerned about.  Today he's used some kind of freezing tuning fork thing and set it to vibrate and placed it on the inside of my ankle and then lower on that nobby bone that sticks out on the side/pad of your foot before you get to the big toe; told him I felt it more on my ankle than on the other part.  He repeated it on the other foot and I told him same result.  He actually came back with the phrase "Well you're not a drunk and you're not 80 so you might have a B12 deficiency." ... WTH?  I mean, he's the doc, but that's not the kind of phrase you actually want to stick with you and remember and sadly it is.  :-(  If it's not some B12 thing, then what else does it mean????  Gah!  Anywho, if the 4 vials-o-blood the vampires took out today show low B12 apparently that is supposed to explain everything.  If not, he also put in for.... an EEG? and an MRI just to have all the basis covered.  I frakin' hate tests.  And more time off.  :-(  Because I need the money, I'll use what time off I have left to cover it and then the unpaid intermittent leave for the rest of the years appts/tests/whatever.  Can't not have a full paycheck right now.  And of course all this is contingent on Aetna approving everything.  If they don't, I'll take the two days of vacation I have left for the infusion medication thing and then use what I have left of the PBA the rest of the year for follow-up appts till it runs out and after that pray and just go back to ignoring this memory thing till next year when time resets again.  6 months from now.  *sighs*

Today as hump day was supposed to be better.  It was physically; only hurt a little.  But guess I'd hoped for better at the neurologist.  He's trying, though, and going with what he know which is quick diagnosis and pills.  Can't say I blame him.  He said anyone who shows up to him less than 30 he's always going to tag with depression first until some other test shows otherwise.  Great.  Thanks Dr N. :-(  Did I mention telling me that didn't help?  ;-)  Anywho, bloodwork was done right there in the hospital so I figure we should hear something in the next couple of days.  Oh, also got told I need to start exercising 3-5 times a week.  Yeah, that'll be awesome.  Could use some company for that too but alas.  Will follow-up with Aetna Fri around lunchtime if I haven't heard from anyone to give me the official determination.  Will also try to remember to get with allergy too I guess tomorrow afternoon if no call in the morning.  If they tell me I have to pay $30 to call in and talk med options with Dr S to replace the zyrtek-d I'm going to tell them in a pleasant way no way in heck.  I just can't afford it and I don't have the time off.  Already have to notify my boss tomorrow of a follow-up with Dr N in a few weeks :-(  Still not liking the docs and the poking and the prodding and the needles and the not knowing.  Still needing that hand to hold.

Things gotta get better.  Still giving them no choice.